Before My Actual Heart Breaks

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I’m not yours and you’re not mine. That’s what I say to his dreaming face as I watch the shadows of his dark eyelashes dance by the light of a Tilley lamp.

It’s not the first lie I’ve told myself.
When I was sixteen, I wanted to fly. I was going to take off like an angel from heaven and leave the muck and madness of Northern Ireland behind as I struck out across the west coast of Donegal heading straight for America.
Nothing but the Land of Happy Ever After would do for me.

It was him I blamed for clipping my wings.
I fashioned a cage out of self-pity then and slipped it over my head like a boned corset to hold myself together and to lock him out.

But hate cannot bind two people to each other for twenty-five years, no matter how many dark skies have to be weathered. Only love can do that.
It’s the first truth I’ve told myself.

__________________________________________________ Nu sunt al tau si tu nu esti al meu. Asta ii spun fatei sale de vis, in timp ce privesc umbrele genelor sale intunecate dansand la lumina unei lampi Tilley. Nu este prima minciuna pe care mi-am spus-o.